Out of the Mouths of Babes
"I am calm, I'm just passionate."
I resent the implication that because I am red headed that I am short tempered. I feel like the foremost has a negative connotation while the latter implies a greater sense of emotion that is not negative, but rather an expression of profound effectivity. I suppose we can chalk it up to semantics.
My fiery passion exhibits itself in a variety of ways. Not in the least by chosen words in my vocabulary. I have an affinity for cursing. A bona fide legit and deep reverence if you will. I find that there are zero curse words that are to be deemed "off limits" in my arsenal. Quite the opposite in fact. The handful of vulgarities that some consider to be taboo even for profanity happen to be some of the words or phrases that I hold most dear to my heart.
Very few evocations in this world can illicit a response like a well directed blasphemy. You know of what I speak. That heat that rises inside you when someone calls you cunt. Yeah, that's the stuff. That's the goods man. The old old sticks and stones adage is as we know complete bullshit. Let us retire that platitude shall we?
Behold the power of profanity. Obscenities are not merely limited to the expression of anger which altogether raises another argument for my affection. There is a laundry list of methods where the curse word is used to express a variety of emotions; delight, frustration, love, dismay, incompetence to name a few.
In terms of parts of speech a profanity can be; an article, noun, pronoun, adjective, verb, adverb, conjunction, or preposition. If that doesn't convince you of the all encompassing greatness and power of blasphemy then by the very least it should earn your respect. When you're in pain or in wait of impending pain an utterance of an obscenity offers one an almost immediate release. Don't deny it. Id bet my life that even the most modest of individual has let loose on some fuckery when stubbing a toe or hurling towards the earth during a fall. Perhaps it wasn't uttered but it was thought. When frustration is building within a long exhale whilst modulating a list of your favorites feels as if you've physically ejected the irritant. What ever it may be.
As a parent I have struggled with the idea of curbing my foul language. I've encountered feelings of shame and guilt surrounding the topic. I think to myself ," Damn it, I've already given up so much of my identity for these children." I've given them my body in utero. I've given them my breast once earth side to nourish them with. I give them the majority of my attention, my sleep and my freedom. I've given up my care-free worry of a zombie apocalypse world to the stress of now having to worry about how I will now keep them alive as well. Must I give up my curses as well?
My husband clearly thinks so. As a person with a real potty mouth himself he regularly makes comments such as;
"You sound like a truck driver"
"You curse like a sailor"
"You swear all the time"
My reply has been a mixture of the following;
"You're God damn right I do." "No shit."
"Yeah, I fucking swear. Alright?" "I like to fucking swear.""I know." "Fuck."
"What the fuck do you want from me?" "Fuck it"
"I thought I said it to my-fucking-self." "Im a fuck up."
"No shit?" "No shit."
Yesterday I was sitting at the table drawing with my eldest boy. Allow me to clarify what coloring or drawing consists of in our home. The children call out letters, numbers, shapes, bugs and dino's and I draw them. It has certainly elevated my drawing game and spawned a great deal of googling "How to Draw..." As my son fished around the bin for a crayon for me to use he spit from his gob," Where's the fuckin' purple?" His raspy little voice uttering one of my most favorite of vulgarities I'm confronted with conflicting emotions when the boy swears. Part of me is proud that he uses the words or phrases in the proper context. Part of me feels shame, guilt, and embarrassment for my lousy parenting. I simultaneously shudder inside while giggling hysterically.
I don't know if I should correct him. I don't want to give the behavior attention by telling him not to curse. To be honest my real and true goal is to teach him to only use those words at home. When we are at the playground or community play group I wait with baited breath for a "God damn it" or "Mother fucker." to let loose in a moment of his frustration. I do not however feel this is a reason to quit cursing. We shouldn't live our lives giving credence to the judgement of others. It is my belief that it falls under the lines of living a happy life, and to do so we must let go of what others think of us.
I will say that it has held a mirror to some things I am not proud of in myself (so many aspects of parenting will do this) and here is the argument for changing some of my uses for profanity. For example; the way I holler at the dog has got to stop. I will cease to swear at the animal. I am grateful for that lesson. I do feel the most shame when they echo certain utterances surrounding specific situations and in those circumstances I will absolutely change. When I feel the legitimate pangs of guilt or when the urge to physically shudder is the most profound it is a clear indication that this is not a respective and proper use of obscenities and I really need to elevate my game. Swearing at the dog or swearing in traffic are cheap uses of my beloveds and I shall no longer make use of them in such a manner. I think that is the true lesson here. A lesson that can be echoed all over the parenting journey. When my child echos a behavior I feel shame about I need to hold the mirror to myself. For me that is a tremendous indicator of something I need to examine within myself. For them I will do better so that they can be better.
Will I quit swearing? That is an affirmative FUCK NO. I'm not a robot.
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