Carseat Sanctimommy

This is a picture of my newborn son. Our first baby and while it induces warm fuzzy feelings and my ovaries ache for another I also cringe looking at it. Why? Because of all that shit I have in his seat. The strap covers, the head rest and the seat liner. All of it, UNSAFE! The only bit of fluff in that seat from the manufacturer is the black strap covers that are pushed down so the additional strap covers I thought I needed would fit. Typing this I have a pit in my stomach, and yes Ive often been accused of being too hard on myself.

You know what? I didn't know. As a new parent you go out and you buy all the things. You try and read all the things, and still nothing really prepares you for that moment when they kick you out of the hospital and send you out into the world with your squish. High on Oxycontin and filled with the elation of a love so deep its all consuming. You hurt within the recesses of your body. In places that you never knew were there until you birthed a child. You're exhausted and unless you're inhuman you probably don't have all your scruples about you and then comes the car seat.

You might ride in the backseat on the way home with your new human because the moment you click that seat into the automobile it is suddenly transformed into a death dealing machine hurling down the road. The chauffeur of the automobile drives as if they are driving down a bumpy road with pot holes the size of craters in a vehicle made of eggshells, with a trunk full of oozing dynamite sticks escorting tiny human cargo that's going to some day save all of creation, cure cancer, end starvation or bring about world peace. And you know what? They just might.

I had already experienced the stress of dealing with my car seat. I vividly recall getting the cumbersome box out and looking at the buckles, straps and bases. I surmised that this thing came straight from NASA and I was an alien a stranger in a strange land. My eyes crossed reading that manual. I began sweating I read the same page over and over again thinking did I absorb that?

Going home.

I readied my boy by placing him into the car seat snow suit. What the WHAT?? Snow suit with holes for the straps to slide through? Awesome!! WRONG. From what hell did this thing cometh? As soon as I put the horrid thing on his tiny 9.2lb body I thought no no this cant be right.

Meanwhile the nurse had walked in and out several times observing my attempts. Before you come at me with the job description of the postpartum OB nurse just have a seat. I know its not her JOB to instruct new parents on car seat safety, but it ought to be someones considering they wont let you leave the hospital without one. So human to human maybe she could have offered 30 seconds of instruction. I know I will if I decide to go that route as an RN.

Thankfully I had some sense and came to the realization that bulky layers under his straps were causing them to be too lax. I decided on just his going home outfit and the seat cocoon which does not come into contact with any harness, straps or connections. I got this. I thought.

It wasn't until weeks later that I discovered I didn't fully have it. My stomach churned and I felt a huge dose of that already all to familiar tinge of mommy guilt. I consoled myself by noting that we had only taken but a few car rides.

How did I discover my mistake? I was active on a baby board from the Baby Center site. I learned so much from those women. We joined during our pregnancies. We laughed together. Snarked, gossiped, memed and giffed together. We also cried and grieved together when the loss of a children struck the women in our group.  Posts from those women sparked a whole other level of googling for me. Its through those women that I was prompted to learn more about car seat safety.

I learned and shared a post on my baby board that you never, ever, ever place a car seat anywhere on a store cart except for in the basket unless they have the special cradle for the seat. After I made that post on my baby board I discovered  that I wasn't the only one who didn't know.  EVERY SINGLE TIME I go shopping I realize there is still a huge population of people who don't know either and I cringe, and I want to say something. But I don't.

If you're scrolling through my post out of boredom and only get one thing from this it is the following;

Don't put anything in your infants car seat unless it was manufactured by the car seat maker. 

NOT A THING GOES INTO THE SEAT BUT THE BABY.

 

Not strap covers. 

Not head support. 

 

Not seat liners. 

Not puffy, bulky, thick winter coats. All fleece is created equally in terms of warmth. It is thin, it is warm, and it is safe.

Hell, they recommend that you not hang toys from the handle either.

Read the car seat manual. 

Read the car seat manual. 

Oh read the car seat manual. 

Additionally don't sell that shit at a garage sale. If you have fluff. Throw it away. Don't sell a used seat. Trade that sucker in for a discount on your new seat, or cut the straps and place it at the curb.

If you're worried about a floppy head. Don't be. You've installed your seat with the proper level of decline so your baby's head wont fall forward. The only thing that I have ever read that is acceptable from manufactures when it comes to head support is a hand towel rolled up and placed around the top of the head.

The percentage of improperly installed car seats is frightening. The percentage of improper belt position is as well (chest buckle should be at the armpit/across the nipples). If there isn't someone in your area certified in proper installation consider becoming that person.

This brings me to the prompt for this particular blog post. I see posts nearly every day on my IG and FB of unsafe car seat habits. I don't say anything for fear of coming across as a judgemental sanctimommy and to that I say I WAS YOU! I DID THAT! I wish I would have known before that picture at the top of my post was taken. I wish someone would have bitch slapped me with some knowledge, and Im grateful for my baby board for prompting me to learn more about car seat safety.

I considered myself to be educated on car seat safety when I placed my beloved rainbow baby in his seat that day. My father was killed in a car accident and the automobile has always been a place where I felt a heightened level of stress for safety. As a child I planned to live on Mackinaw Island because there were no vehicles. You could say my fear runs deep. I rear faced my children until the seat couldn't rear face no more.

No one wants to hear they are doing something wrong when it comes to their child. So how does one approach these dilemmas? You don't. Unless you have a well established relationship with a person it isn't wise to give out unwanted advice or instruction. Unless you kick it on a regular basis with the car seat or cart car seat offender you best not open thy mouth. If you are close with this person tread lightly but do tread those waters.